Dine and Dash
by dashergirl
Summary: From the show That 70s show Dine and Dash. The Gems go to a restaurant and Peridot gets a idea to do a Dine and Dash.


**The story of this fanfiction is from That 70s show and the characters used for this is from Steven universe**

It was dark in Beach City and Steven left the Crystal Temple to have a sleepover at Connie's house. Peridot and Lapis decide to visit the gems so Peridot can tell them something.

Peridot: Hey, guys, guess what I got.

Amethyst: V.D.?

Peridot: No. *chuckles* A hundred bucks.

Ruby: So money to treat your V.D.?

Peridot: No. White diamond gave me this money. See, my diamond told her that she needed to bleach her whiskers and I was like 'What whiskers?' Which is a total lie, 'cause she's got these honkin' whiskers. But then it made her so happy she gave me a hundred bucks.

Lapis: Uh, no offense, Peridot, but your diamond's not one to talk. I mean-Whoo!

Peridot: Hey! My diamond is a beautiful gem. Apologize.

Ruby: Sorry.

Sapphire: She's nice.

Lapis: Sorry.

Amethyst: Giraffe neck.

Peridot: All right, thank you. Now we gotta go celebrate this hundred bucks. Let's all go out to dinner. Someplace expensive. Someplace nice.

Pearl: Let's go to the Vinear. My new lady love works there.

Sapphire: The pink hair Lady from the party? Have you guys gone out again?

Pearl: No.

Ruby: So, have you guys hung out?

Pearl: No.

Lapis: Talked on the phone?

Peridot: No.

Peridot: Have you had any contact with her at all?

Pearl: No.

Ruby: Do you even know her name?

Pearl: No.

Amethyst: So The Pink Hair Lady is your new lady?

Pearl: Yes.

Amethyst: That's great.

Pearl: Thank you.

The gems got to the Vinear and Pearl looks at the Pink Hair Lady .

Pearl: There she is. Isn't she lovely? She reminds me of that song "Isn't She Lovely?" *sees The Pink Hair Lady walking towards them* Here she comes. Here she comes. Watch me impress her.

Pink Hair Lady: Hey, Pearl.

Pearl: *voice breaking* Hello.

Pink Hair Lady: I just came over to say hi.

Pearl: Hi.

Pink Hair Lady: Hi! Bye. *leaves*

Pearl: *awkwardly* Bye. *relax* Did you see how I played her?

Sapphire: Hey, Peridot, thanks for dinner. It was great.

Amethyst: Yeah, it was delicious.

Peridot: Hey, guys, no need to thank me. I'm happy to do it. *looks around the place* Okay. Everybody ready?

Ruby: Uh, don't you have to pay first?

Peridot: I'm not paying.

Sapphire: What?

Peridot: What, did you think I was paying?

Ruby: Yes. Peridot, we don't have any money. We're just space rocks.

Peridot: You don't need any. Gems, we are on a human thing called "dine and dash" here. Oh, yeah. 'Cause the only thing better than eating lobster is eating lobster and hauling ass. Let's haul ass.

Ruby: Peridot, what the hell are you thinking? You said you'd take care of it!

Peridot: And I took care of it- by planning the "dine and dash."

Sapphire: Peridot, we're not doing it.

Peridot: Why not? Guys, we're making memories here.

Sapphire: Peridot, it's wrong. We might get into trouble.

Peridot: Wrong? Or hilarious?

Ruby: *slaps Peridot's head* Wrong, you dill-hole!

Amethyst: Or hilariously wrong. I like it. But then again, I'm from the underbelly of society, so-

Pearl: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to The Pink Hair Lady and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion.

The waiter looks at Pearl awkwardly.

Pearl: You got that? Like a stallion?

Lapis: Pearl, stop ordering stuff!

Pearl: Okay, you need to chill out, water witch. Didn't you hear Peridot? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.

Lapis: It's not free, Pearl. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.

Pearl: So it's stealing?

Lapis: *nods her head*

Pearl: This isn't going to help me with Pink Hair Lady, is it?

Lapis: *shakes her head*

Pearl: Excuse me. *whispers to Amethyst*

Amethyst: *gets up, hits Peridot on the head, and walks back to her seat*

Periodt: Hey!

Pearl: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

 _Later_

Lapis: I have never dined and dashed, and I'm not about to start now.

Peridot: Uh, well- Remember when we went to nice restaurants and I told you to wait in the car while I paid? Did you ever wonder why I was running to the car?

Lapis: Oh, my God. I'm a thief!

Amethyst: I think technically you're an accessory.

Ruby: Which should make you happy, because you love accessories. Earrings, bracelets, bangles, bows-

Lapis: Shut up!

Meanwhile Pearl walks to the Pink Hair Lady

Pearl: So, did you enjoy your pilsner? Did you get the message about the stallion?

Pink Hair Lady: Okay, look, okay? You can't send beer to the hostess podium, okay? I almost got fired. So just pretend you don't know me, okay?!

Pearl: I don't think I do know you, Pink Hair Lady. Not even your name.

The Pink Hair Lady looks back at Pearl, rolls her eyes, and walks away.

Pearl: Pink hair girl has upset me. I can't wait to dine and dash on her ass. her beautiful ass.

Meanwhile with the gems

Amethyst: I'll go first.

Sapphire: Amethyst, we're not doing this. And especially not you, 'cause you're on probation.

Amethyst: So what?

Ruby: So what? You get caught, you go to jail, and I've heard nothing good about jail.

Amethyst: I haven't done one stinkin' illegal thing since I got probation.

Ruby: So, what, you're mad because you haven't committed any crimes since your last crime?

Amethyst: Yeah, so I'm going.

Amethyst walks to the exit, but everyone start looking at her. The gems look at Amethyst to do something and she starts panicking.

Waiter: Can I help you?

Amethyst looks around and sees a police looking at her, and a waiter winks at her. She looks back at the waiter who asked her a question, and sees her give Amethyst a glare. Then Amethyst immediately walks back to her table and sits down.

Peridot: What happened?

Amethyst: This place is like Alcatraz, man. There's no way out. I'm soft gem. It sickens me.

Ruby: Mm. So you can't do it. I wonder why. Why, oh, why?

Sapphire: Oh! I know why.

Ruby; Yes, my love?

Sapphire: Because it's wrong.

Ruby: THAT'S RIGHT MISS SAPPIHRE! IT'S WRONG!

Peridot: *sarcasm* Gee, what a surprise. Mom and Mom don't want to do it.

Sapphire: We are not Moms! And we're not leaving without paying, young gem!

Peridot: Fine! Fine! I'll pay for the stupid dinner! Now just give me your stupid keys so I can get my money out of your stupid car! Stupid!

 _Later_

Pearl: I don't care if you're in the freaking Olympics about to run the freaking hundred-yard dash! If someone sends you a beer, you say thank you and drink the freaking beer!

Sapphire: Um, Ruby? Did Peridot leave her money at home? 'Cause she just drove away in the Vista Cruiser.

Ruby: What? No. No, she wouldn't ditch us.

Sapphire: Are you sure? 'Cause as she drove past she was doing this. *does rock and roll expression on her face*

Ruby: No. Sapphire, she's kidding. She wouldn't ditch us.

 _Later_

Ruby: She ditched us!

Pearl: I'm sure she's right outside. I'll go get her.

Sapphire: Pearl, I don't know.

Pearl: Don't worry. I'll go and get the money and come back. You can trust me.

 _Later_

Sapphire: She's not coming back!

Ruby: And we trusted her!

Lapis: Peridots lie. You know what? I'm just gonna call Steven and Greg, and they'll come pay for our dinner.

Ruby: Okay, but, Lapis if you don't come back-

Lapis: Ruby, please. I'm not immature like those idiots.

 _Later_

Sapphire: She is immature like those idiots!

Amethyst: I can't believe I got stuck here with the mom squad.

Sapphire: We're not Moms Amethyst!

Ruby: Sapphire, settle down. You don't want to upset your stomach.

Amethyst: This is bad, man. If I'm not fighting against the system, I am the system. Screw it. I'm going. *deep breaths* Banzai! *runs out*

 _Later_

Manager: Okay, I can take the check now. Or whenever or now.

Ruby: Uh- Two more bananas Foster, please.

Sapphire: Ruby, what are you doing?

Ruby: I'm stalling. They'll come back. Joke's over, you know? *looks worry*

 _Later at the Big Donut_

Amethyst: Best thing about this joke, it just keeps going and going. *laughs* And not only did we break the law we screwed our friends while breaking the law.

Peridot: How dumb was she to give me the car keys? I mean, who here trusts me?

Amethyst: No way.

Lapis: Not me.

Peridot: Thank you.

Lapis: You know what? Stolen food just tastes better. *holds up a doughnut* Doughnuts?

Pearl: Guys, I feel bad about Ruby and Sapphire. Maybe we should figure out a way to help them.

Amethyst: Sure, we could do that. Or we could ask ourselves, "How can we make this worse?"

 _Meanwhile with Ruby and Sapphire_

Everyone: Happy anniversary, Happy anniversary, Happy anniversary Sapphire and Ruby.

Manager: With best wishes from Amethyst, Peridot, Pearl and Lapis. *puts the cake down on the table*

 _Later_

Ruby: Man, I can't believe those guys screwed us like this.

Sapphire: Well, at least we still have each other.

Ruby: You know what? You're right. I can't count on much in this crazy world, but I can always count on you.

Sapphire: That is so true. I have to go to the bathroom. *gets up*

Ruby: Okay- Hey! *grabs her hand and makes her sit down* Why don't you just sit your lying ass down?

Sapphire: Ruby, don't you trust me?

Ruby: *chuckling* Not as far as I can throw you, and that ain't far!

Sapphire: How can you say that? Okay, so I noticed the fire exit was next to the bathroom. Doesn't mean I'd use it. I happened to notice it, that's all. It's very convenient.

Ruby: Sapphire, don't you see what's happening? They've turned us against each other.

Sapphire: You're right. I was gonna use the fire exit. I was!

Ruby: You know why they do this? Because they know we won't get them back. We're responsible, mature Mothers. We won't stoop to their level.

Sapphire: Well, damn it, let's stoop to their level or an even lower level.

Ruby: Yeah. Oh, I'm with you, baby, yeah. There's just one problem. We can't do it from in here.

They got off their seats and looked at the door.

Ruby: If I don't make it tell Steven I'm sorry.

Sapphire: Don't talk like that. We'll tell him our self.

They fused into Garnet and swiftly dodged the waiters and head straight outside.

 _The next day at The Crystal Temple the gems and Steven are watching TV and Ruby and Sapphire walks in the house._

Ruby: Okay, you guys. Okay. Good one last night. You know, ditching us at the restaurant and everything.

Peridot: Yeah, we got you so bad.

Sapphire: *sarcasm* You really did. We laughed and laughed. *smiles sweetly* To show you guys we're such good sports we made you guys a batch of special brownies. *puts the brownies down on the table*

Amethyst: Special brownies? Like the special kind of special?

Sapphire: The best kind of special.

All the gems except for Pearl grabs one. Steven was about to grab one but Ruby stops him.

Steven: Why can't I have one?

Sapphire: *whispers to Steven about the plan*

Steven: Okay.

Amethyst grabs the last brownie and shoves it into Pearls mouth.

Pearl: AMETHYST! Now I have to used the bathroom thanks to you!

 _Five minutes later_

Amethyst: Something's wrong. I don't feel special.

Lapis: Me neither.

Pearl: Yeah, I don't think those were special brownies, Ruby.

Ruby: *grins evilly* Oh, no, no. They're special. Say, Sapphire, do you have any more of that _special_ ingredient we used?

Sapphire: Well, I certainly do, Ruby. *pulls out a box from her hair* Chocolate Super-Lax.

Steven: Oh no.

Peridot: You didn't.

Ruby: We did.

Sapphire: We so did. Now maybe you'll think twice before screwing us. *throws the box at Peridot's head*

Amethyst: Well, nice try, 'cause I don't feel any- *sharp groan*

Lapis: groaning*

Pearl:*groaning*

Peridot: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Lapis, Peridot, and Amethyst tried to get up but ends up falling to the ground screaming from the pain. Lapis kicks Peridot's leg and throws a box at Amethyst but misses. Peridot curls up in a ball from the pain, while Steven is surprised of what's happening.

Pearl: Oh, no. I am last.

The Pink Hair Lady breaks down the door, runs up to Pearl, and stands in front of her.

Pearl: Ay, no!

Pink Hair Lady: I know. You're surprised to see me, right? And upset.

Pearl: Yes, many things are upset. *groans*

Pink Hair Lady: Okay, listen. Okay, listen Pearl. About last night- I know you were angry, and you have every right to be. But you know what this was? Our first fight. Oh! And it made us a real couple- if you can forgive me.

While The Pink Hair Lady was explaining things Pearl is still suffering from the pain.

Pearl: Fine. Move out of the away.

Pink Hair Lady: So we're okay? Good. Now let's make up like a real couple.

Pearl: *groaning and looks at Ruby and Sapphire* You bastards! *runs to the bathroom*

Pink Hair Lady: Wait, Pearl! Wait up! *runs after Pearl*

 _Later that day_

Amethyst: Okay, you guys. That was a wicked burn. It had all the elements, you didn't see it coming, parts of it really hurt. *chuckling*

Ruby: Well, Amethyst, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Amethyst: Oh, I did. *grabs the last brownie that she forgot it has chocolate super-lax* I got my eye on you two. You're not gonna burn me like that again.

Sapphire: I love our family.

Ruby: Me too.


End file.
